Declarative Language

What is Declarative Language?

When we question or instruct our children, we often demand a specific right or wrong answer or a task to be done—this is called imperative language.

Declarative language, in a nutshell, is simply a comment or a statement.

It shares what we know, observe, or think.

It is essentially thinking out loud for the child to hear—so they can benefit from our model and gradually begin to do the same themselves.

The purpose of declarative language is to share information, which then invites the child to engage after thinking.

Why Declarative Language?

Declarative language does not tell children what to do.

Instead, it helps them notice what may be important—so they can draw conclusions on their own.

It leaves space for children to take action, encouraging spontaneity and independence.

Example:

• Declarative: “I am feeling hot.” (look at the fan if needed)

• Imperative: “Can you switch on the fan?”

Declarative language also helps transfer your thinking to your child.

It allows them to hear your thoughts, understand your reasoning, and act on it.

It opens opportunities for problem-solving, instead of simply following instructions.

How Can I Start Using Declarative Language?

Anytime you feel like asking a question or giving a command—pause.

See if you can rephrase it into an observation or a comment.

Examples

• “I notice you’re upset. Let’s take a couple of deep breaths.”

  vs “Calm down!”

  → Builds emotional regulation

• “I need you to hold my hand so I can keep you safe.”

  vs “Hold my hand.”

  → Gives meaning and understanding

• “Look, uncle is leaving. Let’s wave goodbye.”

  vs “Say bye.”

  → Builds perspective

• “Wow, your shirt has a green dinosaur!”

  vs “What’s on your shirt?”

  → Focuses on learning, not testing

• “Oh no, we’re out of glue. I wonder what we can use instead?”

  vs “How will we finish this?”

  → Encourages problem-solving

• “I think your shirt is inside out… I can see the tag.”

  vs “You wore it wrong!”

  → Builds observation skills

• “I’m frustrated. I think I need a break.”

  vs “Stop doing that!”

  → Models self-regulation

• “I think you forgot something at the end.”

  vs “Add a full stop.”

  → Builds inference

• “I heard your brother calling you. Let’s see what he wants.”

  vs “What did he say?”

  → Builds joint attention & social connection

• “I don’t think I heard the toilet flush.”

  vs “Flush the toilet.”

  → Encourages self-correction without shame

Simple Words You Can Use

Wonder, notice, think, maybe, perhaps, I feel, I see, I hear, I remember, let’s, we, us…

Final Thought

You are shifting from being result-focused to development-focused—

building skills like thinking, language, independence, and connection.

Pause. Observe. Comment.

That small shift changes everything.

“Every word or sound uttered is important communication… even quiet moments too.”